There is no doubt that losing a loved one is one the most painful feelings we face, and grief is never easy. Many may try to avoid, distract or numb their feelings of loss, but there is no other way to cope with difficult feelings than to go through them. As parents and caregivers, we often wish we could magically take away our child’s pain of loss, but we cannot protect them from these life events. That is why it is important to consider grief as an opportunity to teach children to cope, heal and adaptively move through the grief process.
The death of a loved one impacts everyone differently and each person deals with grief in their own way. Children often grieve much differently than adults and finding ways to help them may take some time, listening and patience.
Here are some things you can do to help a child who has lost a loved one:
Acknowledge the loss – Be calm and use caring words when you tell your child that someone has died, and give them a moment to reflect on what they have heard. Remember that children are literal, so use words that are direct and clear and avoid using euphemisms like “Grandma went to sleep.”
Listen and comfort – Every child reacts differently when they learn that a loved one has died. Some children cry, others may ask a lot of questions and some have no reaction at all. Don’t overwhelm your child with too much information. Just let them ask questions and answer them in a developmentally appropriate way.
Encourage children to express their feelings – Ask your child to verbalize what they are thinking and feeling. Be sure to share your own feelings, too, as this can make it easier for your child to share theirs.
Maintain a normal routine – While grief is a lengthy process, it is beneficial to children to have the security of a regular routine and to learn that life goes on, even if it is quite different.
Prepare your child for events that will be happening – Allowing children to participate in funerals and memorial services is a personal choice. While these events can offer closure, some children are just not ready for such an experience. A child should never be forced to attend a funeral. If they do want to attend, be sure to prepare them for what to expect.
Help your child to remember the person – Remembering your loved one is important to the grieving and healing process, so don’t avoid talking about the individual who died. Keep your loved one’s memory alive by doing things like looking at photos, sharing stories and drawing pictures.
Losing a loved one impacts the entire family and there is no “right way” to navigate this challenging time. Boys Town offers a variety of valuable resources for parents and caregivers seeking more help and recommends seeking professional care if your child’s distress lasts more than a few weeks. Boys Town offers Behavioral Health Service at the Omaha Boys Town Hospital Pediatrics clinics and at our Behavioral Health Centers at several of our Boys Town national sites including Nebraska and Nevada. For additional helpful resources, visit the following links that can help when dealing with other difficult times that may arise:
