Thank-you for your email. Parenting teens can be especially challenging. Teens are at an age where they want independence, but they truly need the structure and boundaries that parents set. Although your son doesn't act like it, he does want and need the rules you are setting. One of the ways you can help is to give choices when you can. For example, “Would you like to mow the lawn or do the trimming?" Or “Would you like tacos or spaghetti?" These are very simple examples. There are many more ways that teens can be given some choice. When you can, give your son options. It will help him feel some control in the situation.
You described some violence in the home, and that is never okay. It's important to let your son know that physically acting out is not acceptable and not safe. If he continues to react in a violent way, immediate consequences are a good idea. With teens, some of the most effective things are electronics. There is no need to remove the electronic items, which could cause another argument. Instead, you can have services temporarily stopped. Let your son know up front your expectations, and what will happen if he is violent. Set an appropriate time frame for him to earn the privilege back. It might be hard at first, but follow through is very important.
One other very important piece is relationship building. Find some common ground and do fun things together. Maybe join the YMCA and go play basketball together. Perhaps set up a chess board and challenge your son to a game. When kids have positive times with their parents, it makes hard times easier. Most importantly, remember you are doing your best. Stay strong and be there for your son, even when things are hard. He will remember that as he gets older. I encourage you to pick up a parenting book like Common Sense Parenting. You could also sign up for a parenting class on parenting teens. Both could be very helpful.Thank-you for your email. Parenting teens can be especially challenging. Teens are at an age where they want independence, but they truly need the structure and boundaries that parents set. Although your son doesn't act like it, he does want and need the rules you are setting. One of the ways you can help is to give choices when you can. For example, “Would you like to mow the lawn or do the trimming?" Or “Would you like tacos or spaghetti?" These are very simple examples. There are many more ways that teens can be given some choice. When you can, give your son options. It will help him feel some control in the situation.
You described some violence in the home, and that is never okay. It's important to let your son know that physically acting out is not acceptable and not safe. If he continues to react in a violent way, immediate consequences are a good idea. With teens, some of the most effective things are electronics. There is no need to remove the electronic items, which could cause another argument. Instead, you can have services temporarily stopped. Let your son know up front your expectations, and what will happen if he is violent. Set an appropriate time frame for him to earn the privilege back. It might be hard at first, but follow through is very important.
One other very important piece is relationship building. Find some common ground and do fun things together. Maybe join the YMCA and go play basketball together. Perhaps set up a chess board and challenge your son to a game. When kids have positive times with their parents, it makes hard times easier. Most importantly, remember you are doing your best. Stay strong and be there for your son, even when things are hard. He will remember that as he gets older. I encourage you to pick up a parenting book like Common Sense Parenting. You could also sign up for a parenting class on parenting teens. Both could be very helpful.
