Daily routines keep busy households humming while fostering independence in children. That doesn't mean they're always easy to create and maintain. For children who are neurodivergent, factors like distractibility, rigid thinking patterns, sensory sensitivities and communication and learning style differences can present challenges.  

It can help to approach establishing routines like learning a new sport, says Corey Lieneman, Ph.D., supervising psychologist with the Center for Behavioral Health at Boys Town National Research Hospital. Just as coaches start with basics before ever hitting a ball or running a play, parents should begin with small, manageable routines and practice to gain consistency before upping the challenge.  

Dr. Lieneman offered these routine tips for parents of children who are neurodivergent.

Build Achievable Routines
There's no one-size-fits-all approach for routines. Build yours around your child's abilities.

• Break routines into small steps. It's important that each step is achievable.
• Involve your child. Listen to your child's input about routines, but let them know you make the final decisions.
• Use helpful tools. Create a morning checklist with pictures that show the routine. If your child struggles with time management, try a timer that beeps at each transition. Some kids like digital apps while others find them distracting. Do what works for your family.
• Praise and reward success. Research shows that positive reinforcement is more useful for improving a child's behavior than punishment.
• Maintain consistency. Abruptly relaxing expectations due to a child's distress or your own frustration can heighten a child's anxiety and dysregulation.
• Stay positive. Especially on tough days when there's been conflict, it's important to keep praising and rewarding your child for small wins.
• Adjust for success. Each step in a routine should be achievable at least 75 percent of the time. If the success rate is lower, simplify the step or enhance positive reinforcement to boost motivation. As a routine is mastered, parents can decrease praise and rewards for those behaviors and step up to a new routine.

 
Address Push Back
Children who hear “no" or get corrected often can react with defiance. What to do when you're getting push back?

• Moderate your reaction. Respond neutrally to avoid reinforcing defiant behaviors.
• Look for underlying factors. Determine if sensory issues or other factors contribute to task avoidance.
• Practice the behavior. Maybe the getting dressed routine is being derailed because your child doesn't like wearing socks. Find a neutral time to practice wearing socks for a few minutes and praise/reward each success to build up tolerance.

 
Adapt for Disruptions
Life happens and routines can get disrupted. It's worthwhile to take a moment to help your child stay on track.

• Give advance warning. If possible, tell your child about the disruption to help them prepare mentally.
• Acknowledge their feelings. Recognize that disruptions can be challenging and validate their emotions.
• Communicate modified expectations. It's okay to adjust expectations but remain firm.
• Increase positive reinforcement. Offer additional praise or enhanced rewards to help motivate your child through unforeseen circumstances.

 
These strategies can help parents create effective routines that support their children in becoming more independent. Remember, consistency and positive reinforcement are key. If challenges persist, Boys Town and other organizations can offer specialized strategies.

Other Resources to Support You in Parenting a Neurodivergent Child:

Boys Town Center for Behavioral Health

Autism Clinic – Boys Town National Research Hospital

Pediatric Neurodevelopmental Clinic – Boys Town Hospital

Boys Town Parenting Resources

Autism support, resources & advocacy | Autism Speaks

CHADD - Improving the lives of people affected by ADHD

Home | Nebraska Early Development Network

PTI Nebraska ​