Teen Dropped Out of School, Doesn't Respect Parent

Hi, my wife's niece just dropped out of High School after completing only her sophomore year. She's sleeping away the day and on the phone most of the night. I don't think there is a drug or drinking problem, but she doesn't seem to respect her mother, who really doesn't know what to do. I feel like I should do something. Do you know of any resources in the area that might be a help or have any general advice? Thanks

Thanks for writing to us at the Boys Town National Hotline. It's great that you're concerned about your niece enough to try to get her help and resources. Parenting a teen can be frustrating enough, but especially difficult when they make bad choices that you know will follow them for the rest of their life. It's frustrating for many parents that have been through similar situations, that a child can legally drop out of school without parental consent at such a young age.

I'm sure you're feeling the same frustrations as her uncle. Why did she drop out? Is school academically too difficult for her? Was she having problems socially? Did she recently go through a relationship break-up and make a rash decision to drop out to avoid her former boyfriend? Regardless of the reason she dropped out of school, the fact is that now she isn't doing anything productive. Teens that drop out of school often face an identity crisis that includes them questioning their purpose in life. This is a dangerous road to go down.

The biggest question now is, does your niece recognize that she needs help? Is she willing to talk to a counselor about her life? If she's sitting at home not doing anything productive, it sounds as if she may be experiencing some symptoms of depression. It may be a good idea for her to talk to a professional, however you can't force her to do so. If she's unwilling to get help, is she willing to talk to any other trusted adult? Would she be willing to call our hotline? Our trained crisis counselors are here 24/7 to talk to teens and parents. Let her know that we talk to teens in her situation, everyday!! Please give her our phone number, 1-800-448-3000.

The most important thing you can do for her at this point is be supportive. Keep talking to her and let her know that you're not giving up on her. Try to engage her in conversations that challenge her to set goals for herself. Ask her thought provoking questions that help her to define her sense of worth and sense of self. Encourage her to do on-line searches for jobs or programs that would help her to learn a trade or skill, such as job corp.

We can give you, or her, counseling referrals in her local area if interested. She may also want to check out the website for job corp., www.jobcorps.gov. You can give her our teen website, www.yourlifeyourvoice.org for additional support.

Good luck!

Sincerely,
Katie, Crisis Counselor

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