Disciplining A Teen

I just found out that my daughter has used my debit card for over $200 of phone credit over the last 8 weeks. I'm shocked she would do this. She is normally good, and apart from recently, never really had any issues. She has become quite mouthy and talks back all the time, I have also grounded her for being late. I locked her phone took away the computer and grounded her for month. Is this too harsh?

Thank you for reaching out to the Hotline for help. Parenting can be a frustrating job and the rewards few and far between. It sounds like your daughter is really testing you at this time.

Behavior problems tend to run in clusters. You mentioned that normally she is good but all of a sudden she has become mouthy, dishonest and is violating home rules.

Your question was whether your consequences are too harsh. The loss of the telephone is very appropriate because of the seriousness of using the debit card for phone credit. Effective consequences should be meaningful to the child, delivered immediately, and related to her behavior. It will also be important for her to pay back the $200.00 with money she earns, money she was saving to buy herself something, or perhaps doing extra chores around the house. Make sure that each time she talks back or argues with you, that you teach her a more appropriate way to respond and possibly have her earn a negative consequence. That consequence could include an apology and practicing the way she should respond the next time she is told to do something or told no.

To keep your relationship strong with your daughter, try hard to see the positive things she does and bring those to her attention at least as often as you address the negative. That may be a real challenge but will definitely pay off in the long run.

If you would like to talk to someone about these and other behavioral problems, please call us at the Boys Town National Hotline.

Sincerely,
Pat, Crisis Counselor

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