Daughter Won't Follow Directions

My 7 year old daughter does not follow instructions from me or her step father. I am not sure how to discipline her. We use a token system and we've always done time-outs, but that doesn't seem to phase her anymore. Should I start grounding or taking special toys away? Also, at what age do you stop using time-outs? What comes after time-outs in disciplining her? I am so confused and I need answers fast! I desperately want to do the right thing. PLEASE HELP! Thank you.

Thank you for contacting us. It sounds like you are doing a good job with your daughter. You are trying to stay consistent and provide her with a loving structured environment. First of all, I want you to take a moment to tell yourself that you have done a good job, you have tried to be creative yet consistent with her discipline.

It just sounds like you need a little encouragement and a confidence boost. You are absolutely correct that your daughter might be getting a little old for time out. Although time out may still be an important tool for you and her to use to calm down, it may need to be followed up with a consequence as well. You are right, some of the best consequences are to take away something that is important to her such as TV or computer time, a favorite toy or a special treat (such as dessert).

F or example, if she talks back y ou could give her a time out so that both of you get a chance to calm down, but then follow it up with a consequence of taking something away for that day. Make sure that when something is taken away it is for a specific amount . Do not in anger say something like "No more TV ever, if you act that way" - this is not specific and shows that you say things that you really do not mean. Instead by saying a specific item, for a certain length of time in a calm manner shows that you are in control of your emotions. "No more TV for the remainder of the day because you were talking back". It shows that your child's behavior is not getting the best of you and that you have thought this through and you are serious about the consequence.

It sounds like you have tried to use a token or point system, for some kids this works very well especially if the item is something that they are motivated to work towards. The hardest thing about tokens and charts is consistency. Your child earns points or tokens for good behavior, however sometimes when things are going well we forget about the points or tokens simply because everything is going well. One of the best ways that you can get your daughter's attention and help her to want to strive to do better is to "catch her being good". Find things that your daughter does well and let her know how proud of her you are.

Parenting is not easy. We are so glad that you reached out to us here at Boys Town and we are happy to help. You can call us at any time 1-800-448-3000, we are here 24 hours a day/7 days a week. We will be here to help you with your frustrations or to celebrate your victories throughout your parenting.

Sincerely,
Sara, Crisis Counselor

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