Nineteen Year Old in Questionable Relationship

Our 19 yr old daughter is visiting a 21 yr old that is in a correctional facility. She knows we object to the relationship. She's convinced he will be a better person when he gets out. His family also encourages this relationship. They think he can be better if she supports him. Its destroying our relationship with her. We feel we have to protect her two younger brothers from his influence. We have no idea what to do.

Your question regarding your daughter does not have an easy response. You must feel very frustrated and helpless at this point. It sounds like your daughter has her mind set on this relationship with her boyfriend, and all you can see is the damage that their relationship may cause.

What is your greatest fear with their relationship, and how can you prevent that from happening? How much longer will he be serving time, will he be out soon? Do you think the relationship be short-lived or long-term?

Sometimes forbidding a relationship makes it more desirable. Other times, a parent needs to declare their concerns and not allow the relationship. As she is 19, what things are not under your control anymore, and what things CAN you control?

I hope things work out for you and your daughter. Even though you disagree on the boyfriend, it will be important for you to be able to spend positive time together. This may also help with your sons as well. Don’t give the boyfriend a place of prominence in your family by discussing him, arguing about him, etc.

I wish you the best. Please give our Hotline a call if you feel you need to discuss this situation further. Our counselors are available 24/7 and will listen and provide support.

Sincerely,
Kris, Crisis Counselor

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