Daughter "Beat Up" a Male Classmate

My 15 yr. old daughter "beat up" a classmate, a boy, because he said something to her. She told her 21 y.o. sister that she did it, but didn't answer when asked what he said. She is not aware I know. I asked about it and got non-committal answers. Help, please, I can't just let it go, she may have really hurt the boy, not to mention the effect on him if it gets around school.

Your concern for you r daughter is justified. Since your daughter may not want to tell you exactly what he said, maybe you can start the dialogue by having her tell you how the words made her feel. She may have been embarrassed, or hurt, and, based on her response of hitting, she was definitely angry.

Talk to her about how to deal with her anger in the future. Have her come up with other options i.e. walk away from the conversation, tell an adult, talk to him later about how the words made her feel. You are in a difficult spot because you don't know all the details, but I think you do have enough to start a conversation and teach her how to appropriately handle her anger or rage. Also she might need to apologize to the boy. Is it appropriate to involve the school (did it occur on school grounds)? Also you could consider having the boy and your daughter in the same room to talk about it. Do you have a relationship with him or his family?

Even if you don't talk with him, you have control over the talk you have with your daughter. Talk to your daughter about the consequences of this happening again, i.e. suspension from school, losing privileges at home. If you want to talk more you can call our crisis line 800-448-3000. Also you could give this number to your daughter because we talk to youth as well.

Keep asking questions and staying involved with your daughter. She might be reluctant at first the talk and share, but she needs to know that you want to help her learn from this situation.

Sincerely,
Diana

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