Running Away From Home

I'm having problems with my 13 year old boy. He has alway been a hand full ever since he moved in with me 8 years ago. Everything has gotten worse in the last couple of months and has esculated to the point that he has ran away 2 times in the last week. 1st time he left school at lunch with a friend and didnt come back till 10:30 at nite. 2nd time he left school with another boy and was gone for 2 days. I'm lost and dont want to do. I dont want him to get hurt. I love him and this all makes me very sad. Counceling doesnt work. Medicin didnt work. changing hous! es didnt work. Changing jobs so i could be home more didnt work. Im so lost.

Thank you for contacting the Hotline for help. Parenting can be frustrating and it sounds like you are experiencing that very emotion with your son's behavior. It also sounds like you have tried many of the options available to you. The counseling, medication, changing your work hours and even your job. You have really gone above and beyond with efforts to help remedy the situation.

Talking with you on the phone would make this easier, but will try to gather information this way for now. When we look at behaviors and try to figure out why they are occurring and why they continue, it helps to ask questions such as; Who is your son leaving school with? Is it the same friend each time. Does he always go to that friend's home when he runs away? What is he running away from? In school is he faced with a class he is struggling in, or has he been confronted with a problem? When does this running occur, at the beginning of the week, mid-week, or at the end of the week right before the weekend? Where is he when he runs? Is it always school or does he run away from home too? The other question is he running away from something or running to something. If you have the answers to these questions it will make it much easier to understand what is going on with your son and how to help him change these behaviors.

So far, with the running away, what has happened as a result of his behavior? Are there negative consequences in place? Have the police been called and his behavior been reported? If there are no negative consequences or the reinforcement he is getting from running is greater, the behavior will continue. Talk with your son about your desire to help him. Let him know that running away from problems or unpleasant situations is not the best way to handle them. Teach him some problem solving skills that help him identify the problem, explore the options, examine the disadvantages and advantages of each option and develop a solution based on which option has the most advantages. Help him use this on a daily basis as well as with serious things in his life that are troubling him.

Are there times that things are right between you and your son? One of the traps that is easy to fall into with a child who is constantly in trouble is that all the messages that they get at home are negative---and often rightfully so. Try for a week to really attend to his positive behaviors and praise him, do something enjoyable together, give him hug if he will let you. Maybe some healing of your relationship with him could help the situation for both of you. It might be worth a try for a few days!

You definitely have the "heart" to help your son, sometimes it is necessary to access suggestions and help when what you are trying is not effective. That is using the "head". It takes both to parent.

Thanks again for reaching out for help. If you would like to talk about this situation with someone please call the Hotline at 1-800-448-3000. We have counselors available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Pat, Crisis Counselor

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