Daughter Dating Online and Meeting Men

My 15 yo daughter has been internet dating and meeting boys on-line. My husband and I just found out that this has been going on for a while with two of her friends. We found nude pictures from boys and men and she even exchanged cell phone numbers with some of them. We had to take away her phone and get her a new number. We sat down with her and told her the dangers of the internet and internet predators. However, we just found out that she again has met another guy. She has not had access to internet at home but possibly at friends' houses. Do you have any ideas as to what I should do now to help my daughter understand the dangers of meeting men online? I am scared to death that one day she will disappear with someone. Thanks so much.

Thank you for contacting the Boys Town National Hotline. You and your husband are to be commended for confronting your daughter immediately when you both became aware that she has been interacting with boys and men from the Internet. This is a very serious issue in our society currently. As a result of web users sending nude pictures of themselves, it does involve the use of pornography. Unfortunately, your daughter and her friends could be putting themselves into a legal situation. Share with your daughter that you are in fear of her being prosecuted for participating in illegal activity.

Continue to communicate with your daughter about you and your husband's expectations when it comes to using computers and the Internet. Since she may be using her friends' computers, can you contact her friends' parents to share the information that you have learned and request that they monitor their computer, especially when your daughter is at their home? If your daughter continues to send and accept cell phone numbers to communicate with unknown boys and men, you and your husband can make the decision that she not have a cell phone until she can be more responsible and follow your instructions. If you have contact information of the last boy/man who she has just met, you have a parental right to contact this person yourself, indicate to him that your daughter is underage and does not have your permission to see him, and request this person to leave your daughter alone.

Even after your best intentions of intervention and communication with your daughter, she may still feel invincible to the idea that what she is doing is dangerous. She may not fully understand that she could be putting herself into a situation where she could get hurt. Her tendency to involve herself in this risky behavior may be a result of her friends' pressuring her to do so, or she may be dealing with some other issues in her life. Ask your daughter to confide to you what this may be. One of parents' most important duties is to protect our children. Express this "duty" as you provide empathy to your daughter to help her talk to you about what she may be going through. Providing empathy to our children helps them to behave as we expect them to and helps to build trust between teens and their parents. If you feel that she would benefit seeing a counselor, we may be able to find one in your local community. If you need some counseling referrals, you are more than welcome to email again or call us any time at: 1-800-448-3000. Take care of yourself.

Sincerely,
Jacque

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