Multiple Children At Home With Behavior Problems

I am a stay-at-home mom with 4 children, ages 10 months, 2,5, and 10 years. My 2 yr old daughter gets into everything, and everyday is a constant battle with her. My 5 yr old is high-functioning autistic, and fights with my 2 and 10 year olds, he also has a lot of meltdowns, that include screaming and hitting. My 10 yr old has ADHD w/ impulsivity. I can't ever get him to do his homework or his chores. He is starting to have problems at school. I have tried to find resources to help me with the kids but have not had any luck. I go to sleep every night crying because I am just worn out, and don't feel like a good mother. I am to the point I can't deal anymore. My husband has to come home early from work some days, and then he gets written up when I have to have him come home. Plus, after giving birth with my last child, the doctor caused nerve damage and I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I'm not sure what to do anymore. Please Help!

Thank you for contacting Boys Town National Hotline. It certainly sounds like you have more than your fair share of stress, so I am very glad that you decided to contact us. It may help to look at each child's situation individually and come up with a plan to ease their behavior instead of grouping everything in to one big stressful parenting challenge. For instance, it is completely normal for a two year old to be in to everything and limit test their parents. The stage of development that your two year old is in is all about establishing control because they have figured out that they have some. It is also around this time that they understand the concept of causes and consequences, so it is a good time to start having your child earn a small consequence for behavior. For example, a time-out may be appropriate or losing a small privilege. Combining small consequences with lots of praise and positive attention for good behaviors should help shape your child to having more positive behaviors and fewer battles. Please take a look at our website parenting.org for more information.

Regarding school problems and sibling relations, you can also find a great deal of information on the above mentioned website. Please consider calling our hotline to speak to one of our trained crisis counselors, we are here 24 hours a day, everyday and can help with each parenting question that you have mentioned. Also, it might help for you to talk to someone and get some support with all that you are going through. No wonder you are feeling worn out, you have a lot going on right now. Do you have any support from other family members? If so, please consider reaching out to them for help. Getting even a half-hour break here and there could help tremendously.

Please do not feel like you are not a good mother, it is clear that you love your children and you want the best for them. It is easy to be too hard on ourselves when it comes to parenting. As a parent, I can relate. Ultimately, the most important things to focus on is that your children know they are loved and they feel safe and secure. If you can accomplish this, you aren't doing so bad.

Give us a call so we can talk about all of this a little more, you need support and we are here to help.

Take care!

Sunni, Crisis Counselor

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