Six Year Old Lying About School, Doesn't Care About Punishment

I really need some help. My step son is having a lot of issues right now & I am at a loss on how to help him. He is 6 years old and in the 1st grade. This is the 2nd school year that he has lived with us. He recently came back to stay with us after spending the summer, about 3 months with his mom. Last year in kindergarten he did pretty good, we had some behavior issues with him but we got them pretty well ironed out before school started. This year since he's come back from his mom's it's like he's a totally different kid. School has been! in session all of about 2 weeks and he's already on a behavior program at school. He has to bring home a behavior book everyday, letting us know how well he had self control and if he participated in class. He has slapped a kid in the face, stabbed a kid with his pencil in the arm, not doing his work at school, not participating in group activities, not doing what the teacher asks him, throwing his book bag, lying to us about having homework & today he shut himself in his locker!! When we try to talk to him he just stares at us & refuses to talk, he's constantly fidgeting or staring at other things when were trying to talk to him. When I ask him "why did I just say?" he says he forgot. We ground him from things and he doesn't care. We ask him how we can help him do better at school and he doesn't answer, we ask him if something is bothering him and he says no. He shuts down & refuses to talk or listen. the worst part is that he never shows any remorse for anything he does. He doesn't care if he gets punished and reward systems don't work either because again he doesn't care about the reward. His mom says she doesn't have time to play an active role in helping us with the situation...I'm at a loss! What am I doing wrong????

Please don't automatically think you are doing something wrong! Ideally, all of the parents in your step-son's life would be actively involved in his education and on-going development. For his mother to say she does not have time is unfortunate and a possible link to the larger problem, but there could be more than one factor involved.

It sounds like your son is feeling very confused and angry. It can be very difficult to move from one home to another, especially when the households are run very differently, and there are different expectations in each home. There can be feelings of grief and loss involved when children move away from their mother and/or father. It is a big adjustment. Six year-olds rarely have the ability to fully express their feelings verbally. Their actions speak much louder than their words.

If you would like to write or call back with your city and state, we can provide referrals for family counseling. A good family therapist who understands children of all ages and families of all types can help identify why your son feels they way he does, and can help you as parents to work together to benefit the whole family. The therapist may want to evaluate your son alone first, and then meet with your son separately and also with you and your husband. In family therapy there is less change that the child feels singled out as the "problem-child" because he sees the whole family working together.

We are here 24 hours, 7 days a week to assist parents and youth. Please call or write back with more information as soon as you can. You are not alone. Take care and I look forward to hearing from you in the near future!

Sincerely,
Cynthia, Hotline Crisis Counselor

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