Son Involved In Fighting

My son seems to think fighting will solve all his problems with other kids. So far no one has hurt him...but some day he is going to get it if I can't get him to stop fighting. The friends he has left seem to encourage him, as if it's okay. He thinks he's king of the hill. How do I get him off the top of the hill before he hurts someone or he gets hurt himself?

Thanks for contacting the Boys Town National Hotline. It's great to reach out for help and support. It sounds like you are concerned about your son getting hurt and him hurting other kids by fighting. I'm sure dealing with this issue has been very stressful and frustrating for you. You said your son thinks fighting solves problems with other kids. It sounds like his fighting has caused many more problems for him. How long has this been going on?

Are you enforcing negative consequences when he gets in fights? Consequences can be positive to reward good behavior or negative to stop behavior. Positive consequences for good behavior are often more powerful than negative. You want to try and catch your child being good which encourages positive behavior and helps your relationship. Negative consequences should be something very meaningful to your child. Examples of negative consequences are grounding, taking away phone, computer, TV, and driving privileges.

It's going to be important for you to try and get to the real issue behind the fighting, not just what's on the surface. One suggestion is to try and help your son to recognize the feelings that cause anger and how to deal with them before they get out of control. This would be a good time for you and your son to get involved in family counseling if you're not already. Many families have benefited by the support and guidance of a counselor. Is there a school counselor available for counseling at your son's school? We can provide counseling referrals to you in your area from our data base if needed. It's important to make sure that you are getting the support that you need as a single parent.

I hope that you will call us at the Boys Town National Hotline. We have trained counselors available 24 hours/7 days a week at 1-800-448-3000. Sometimes it easier to discuss parenting issues over the phone so we can ask questions about what has worked, what hasn't, and what motivates your son, etc. Again, thank you for contacting our hotline and reaching out for some support.

Sincerely,
Melanie, Crisis Counselor

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