Conflict in How Parents Handle Discipline

My son has become argumentative, in some trouble with the law and generally snubbing any type of authority. My wife just doesn’t give him an inch, screaming and arguing with him, which I believe is having a negative effect. She disagrees with the way I handle things - by discussing things and giving him options without screaming. My wife thinks that I am soft on him and will not discuss with me and is sleeping in a separate room because of this. How can I get her to calm down give the kid a break and discuss options, other than “my way or the highway?”

Thank you for writing to us at the Hotline. I'm glad you reached out for help for your son!

It is very stressful when parents don't agree on parenting techniques. It is very important however, for both parents to be a united front when disciplining children. Your son is learning what to expect from both of you. If parents disagree and argue with one another over their child's behavior and discipline, the focus is taken off him and he will most likely not have any natural consequences to learn from. And, he is not learning how to solve problems in a calm and rational manner.

Sometimes it helps to send your son to another room so you can discuss your plan for addressing the behavior. This gives everyone a moment to calm down and to think rationally. Does your son receive consequences for his behavior? Does mom’s yelling and dad’s talking ever change his behavior? Consequences teach right from wrong, and effective consequence change behavior.

Family therapy could help the three of you learn more effective communication and bring you closer together. Marriage counseling would help you and your wife to get your relationship back on track. Some family therapists will also provide marriage counseling. Parenting classes or books such as "Common Sense Parenting" by our Boys Town Press are full of very positive and easy to learn techniques to use with children of any age.

Please consider giving our Hotline a call. We are here 24 hours, 7 days a week. We can send you more information, or look up services in your local area.

It is apparent that you and your wife love your son and want what is best for him. It has been said that the best thing you can do for your child is to first have a strong marriage. I hope this information has helped. I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Sincerely,
Cynthia, Hotline Crisis Counselor

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