Teaching Children Not to Lie

My child got caught with a big bag of candy today at school. What I know is that she and a friend went to the store for gum, her sister said she took money from me. She has also told her teachers that she got the money from her friend. I am not sure the appropriate consequence should be. I really want her to know that telling the truth is important for the rest of her life. She has been lying for awhile and has also been caught taking money. Any ideas? Please help!

Thank you for contacting us. Praise to you for being a concerned parent and looking for a good way to respond to your daughter's lying and stealing. This situation would call for what Boys Town calls Corrective Teaching, this technique applies clear messages with consequences and then practice.

#1 Stop and describe the problem. Your first action is to let your daughter know that she needs to stop lying and stealing.

#2 Give a negative consequence (loss of privilege or added chore). Tell her that because she stole and or lied she is losing the privilege of __________(?). You could have her stay in for a night or two and do age appropriate chores to replace the money she stole. With this situation you could let her know that the consequence will be less severe if she tells you the truth about the entire incident and how the money and candy were acquired. Then when she tells you the truth you praise her for making that choice and have her stay home one night instead of two.

#3 Describe the positive behavior. Tell her you understand that she might be feeling pressure to steal and cover up negative behaviors to avoid consequences. Then let her know that being respectful of other peoples things and being honest are virtues that build her character and help her to feel better about herself and have more friends.

#4 Lastly you can practice with her. You can give her the words to say out loud. For example, "I'm sorry that I did something I should not have done. I was scared but I want to be honest and tell you the truth...this is what I did...."

It's important to stay calm and also be sure to follow through so she know that you mean what you say. This is a challenging situation but stay consistent and eventually she will learn that this behavior brings her negative consequences. Also catch your daughter being good. When she is doing the behavior you want, tell her specifically what she is doing right, this will help because ultimately she will do what you want her to because she wants to gain your approval.

Hopefully this information is helpful for your situation and if you want to talk more feel free to call our 24 hour crisis line (800-448-3000) or write the Boys Town Hotline again.

Sincerely,
Diana

< Return to List