Child's Behavior Changed After a Recent Illness

Our 3 yo daughter recently contracted a nasty stomach virus along with double ear infection and had to be hospitalized for 4 days on IV's. She is doing fine now healthwise, but that week of extra care and nurturing we gave her seems to be causing us major problems now at home with her behavior. She has been throwing major temper tantrums over minor things, like the color of cup she gets, or wanting a particular food. She is asking me specifically, her mom, to help her with everything from wiping her bottom, to laying with her to get to sleep at night, things she ! had previously been doing on her own just fine. While I do my best to first ignore the tantrum, I usually end up eventually putting her in her room for a time out so I can get a breather. It seems like she calms down, gets out of her room, and within a half an hour is back in there again for something else. I try to pick my battles, and admit I find it easier to just lay with her until she is asleep, as the alternative is going to her room over and over and telling her to calm down, while she gets increasingly worked up. (By the way, I also want to avoid having her wake up her 2 year old brother.) It has been a few weeks since her illness, and I keep thinking it is just a phase, but her father and I are at our wits end and just want our sweet little girl back. (her preschool teacher says she is fine at school) Does she just have our number? How do we go about getting her to bed at night without the drama? Do we pick our battles, or is it better to not let her get aw! ay with anything to get through this horrible stage she's in? Your advice is much appreciated.

Thanks for contacting the hotline and for reaching out for help!

I'm sorry to hear about your daughter's illness. That must have been traumatic for you and your daughter to be on an IV for four days in the hospital. You said that she is having tantrums and not sleeping well since the illness and hospitalization. It is sometimes difficult to pin-point exactly why very young children do what they do. But I can say with almost certainty that giving her extra care and nurturing while she was ill is not the reason she is acting out.

Do you think that she could have another ear infection? Some very young children do not use words to complain about their ears hurting, but physically act out when they are in pain. There are children who seem to get one ear infection after another and the child may not realize that what they are experiencing is pain. This can affect her sleeping patterns also.

When you rule out anything physical, then you can look at emotional reasons. You mentioned that you have a younger child. It is not uncommon for the older sibling to "regress" with regards to certain behaviors or skills, to receive more attention. This could be what is going on with potty training. It could be that her waking at night is the time when she feels she gets that special one on one time with you. It could also be that she is experiencing nightmares. In that case, try to make bedtime calm and unrushed and reduce noise from TV. Warm baths can help. Establishing a solid bedtime routine is reassuring to the child and makes her feel safe. It sounds like you are doing that! Maybe just making a few minor changes will help. Then find what works best and stick with it.

The "trauma" that she experienced with being in the hospital and being uncomfortable or in pain may linger for some time and is not unusual. Not totally understanding why it happened to her, she could subconsciously even feel that it is your fault that she had to go through it. She could be feeling afraid, angry, or anxious as a result. Keep being patient with her, but if you don't see much change and continue to be concerned, you should contact her pediatrician.

Please feel free to write back or call us anytime. We are available 24 hours, 7 days a week. We are here to help. Thanks again for writing. We hope to hear from you soon!

Sincerely,
Cynthia, Hotline Crisis Counselor

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