Tools That Help with ADHD
My wife and I are recently divorced. We have one child, the 6 year old I'm asking about. She has 2 boys from previous marriage. My son is with me (the father) about 11 days a month. Along with problems of divorce, there is a strong possibility of AD-HD. My son constantly refuses to listen to me and battles on just about everything and I'm becoming frustrated. I'm just looking for some tools to help the both of us. Any suggestions? Thank you. |
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We are glad that you are reaching out for help with your son. Parenting can be a really tough job and being a single parent or not parenting with the other caretaker of your child can make it twice as difficult. It is reassuring to hear that your main concern is your son and his welfare.
You mentioned that there is a strong possibility that he is ADHD. Have you had him evaluated and diagnosed? There is extremely helpful information available to help and support parents who's children have ADHD diagnosis. One of those is the ADHD Workbook for Parents. It is designed to help parents better understand their children and their behaviors as well as offer strategies to manage those behaviors.
There are some suggestions that you can implement right away that may help. Provide him with a consistent and predictable environment including a set schedule for activities, clear simple expectations for behaviors and continual reinforcement. Try to do things in a routine fashion. On Friday after school, try to have snack or play time or something, but do it every Friday after school. At bed time, have a specific routine each and every night that he is in your home. This predictable environment will help him feel safe. At a neutral time let him know about what to expect and answer any questions he may have about the schedule.
Getting children to listen can be quite a trick. Here are some things that parents have found helpful.
- Try to be on his level eye-to-eye.
- Remove distractions such as the TV or games.
- Model to him what "good listening skills" are. Have him talk to you and when you hear his voice, stop what you are doing and look at him. Listen to what he has to say without interrupting and when he is finished, ask questions if you do not understand.
- After you have modeled this for him, talk about why it is important to be a good listener, use good "kid" reasons that show benefit to him.
- Then have him practice by doing the same while you talk. Be sure to reinforce him when he uses this skill or even improves, although it may not be perfect.
Because your son is young, practicing skills can be fun as well as helpful. Teaching young children to ask permission can be taught by playing "Captain May I". Following instructions can be taught by playing "Simon Says". Keep things simple and clear for him.
Good luck with this and be sure to let us know if what we have suggested is helpful. If you would like to talk with someone about this or other parenting issues, don't hesitate to call the Hotline at 1-800-448-3000. We have counselors available 24/7 to take your call.
Sincerely,
Pat, Crisis Counselor
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