Acting Out

My 6 yr old daughter has been acting out by defaming things. She has written on our kitchen table and my desk with a Sharpie. Most recently she took a sharp object and scratched several lines/several inches into our baby grand piano. All 3 of these things occurred in the past month. It seems like a cry for help/attention. She is very bright and knows her actions are wrong. She tried to blame her twin brother by saying he said she should do it. How do we respond? What type of consequence is appropriate? Thank you!

Thank you for contacting Boys Town National Hotline. I am glad that you found us as you were searching for help. It can be very stressful to deal with this type of behavior, and very frustrating too. It is good that you are trying to determine the function of this behavior. She could be trying to demonstrate that something in her life is upsetting her. Perhaps she is not getting the attention that she desires, and if this is the case negative attention is better than no attention. Has anything changed in her life in the last month that would cause her stress or anxiety? It is a good idea to ask your daughter why she is doing this, since she is old enough to communicate her feelings. This is best approached at a neutral time when both of you are calm.

Consequences can be difficult with such a destructive behavior and it is hard to concentrate on the behavior and not our feelings about it. A consequence that is very appropriate would be to have your daughter pay restitution. Give her extra chores or tasks, nice things she can do for the family, or other ways that she can "pay" the family back. You can have her help come up with ideas at a family meeting that everyone agrees on. If you have any questions or would like to talk to one of our trained crisis counselors, please give us a call at 1-800-448-3000. We are here 24 hours a day, everyday. Again, thank you for contacting our hotline and reaching out for some support.

Best Wishes,
Sunni, Crisis Counselor

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