Two Young Sons are Acting Out Aggressively

Two of my 3 children are males 6 and 4 years old. They are very strong for their age and have been getting increasingly aggressive toward me.They punch, kick, bite, throw things, curse and call me names. I do everything for my boys. Rewarding them for good behavior only seems to make them angry when I tell them it is time for bed or we have to leave. The other day they wanted to play a joke on me and they took my shoes and hide them. They will not tell me where they are. It is easy for me to get a new pair, but it is the principle behind the matter that I should not have to do that. This is not the first time they took things they should not have. I do not know what to do anymore. 90% of the time they are great kids, smart, playful, helpful. It is the 10% that scares me.

Thank you for reaching out for help with your boys. Being the parent of a young child is both exhilarating and exhausting. It is the most important responsibility you will ever have, and it can be filled with some of the richest and most satisfying experiences in your life as well as some of the most frustrating ones. Like most parents, you will occasionally need some help and advice when you are having a tough time with your kids.

Your boys' aggressive behaviors are very concerning. If something isn't done, they will be 16 and 14 and the situation then will be much more serious. Have you spoken to their pediatrician about your concern? They are usually a wonderful resource for support and ideas for intervention.

Do the boys behave the same for their father? How about the other adults in their lives such as grandparents, daycare staff, teachers and staff at school? If the answer is "yes", then whatever you put into place with them will have to be followed and supported by the other adults. If the answer is "no", then you will have to figure out why and change your response to their inappropriate behaviors.

In order to make recommendations we would need to know things like what happens prior to their aggressive behaviors. What are the things that push their buttons? Is the behavior worse early in the day, mid-day or in the evening? Does this behavior only occur at home or no matter where you are? What happens to them as a result of the behavior? Do they earn negative consequences or do they get by with the cursing and hitting? Once we gather this information we may be able to figure out why this behavior occurs and continues to occur.

In the meantime, stop the problem behavior when it occurs, issue a consequence, then teach them how to do it the right way and have them practice doing it correctly. Make sure the cost for the problem behavior is greater than the reinforcement they get out of doing it.

Please provide us with this information so we can better meet your needs with suggestions and strategies. If you would like to talk with a counselor about this issue or other parenting issues, you can call the Hotline at 1-800-448-3000. We have counselors available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Pat, Crisis Counselor

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